The beginning of my new life…
‘Events’ at home were escalating, my attention span was limited to listening for the dogs- they were faithful companions, always to alerting me before his arrival. Motivated to finish school, I pushed myself too hard. Chasing perfection in all facets of my life, I was oblivious to the self-doubt and misery it led to. Small goals such as keeping up with assignments and showing up to class on time floated away like black balloons. Fear of judgement followed me everywhere. Keeping up appearances, or my public persona, proved futile.
To escape the chaos, I lived at school. In it, I found an impenetrable fortress, a nurturing sanctuary where I could bury my worries as while contributing to class discussions and listened to engaging lectures. After my last class, I picked my kids up from school, prepared a snack (or grabbed some fast food on the way home) checked their folders and lined out their homework. I would then make my way into my ‘studio.’ Studio sounds more sophisticated than the remodeled patio that it really was. A pet project I embarked on years before, building a workspace where I could rekindle my creative side, an activity I gave up years ago. Unable to find that ‘spark,’ I organized the space for my studies.
Behind the façade, I was deteriorating. Constant cramps, sleepless nights spent defending…
